I don’t mean that in the way of being bossy and telling others what to do and say; I mean I often have this burning desire to control outcomes. I want the end result of certain situations, especially ones involving me, to be exactly how I envision it from the start.
When I truly want something, I want it reaaaaaaally badly. In fact, I feel I deserve it. I stress about it. Nothing material, I’m talking about life goals. I can’t help it, I’m just me. But where do you draw the line, take the weight off your shoulders, and allow things to just happen?
On Saturday, I went from being tripled-booked at various events in the city to cozying up solo in my warm bed just after 9pm. I didn’t stay in that night for lack of things to do, or friends to do them with. I also failed to give each party a heads up that I wasn’t going to show.
Terrible, I know.
It was just one of those moments where my mind and body were crying out that I needed to slow down, just a tad.
I may not have spoken the words as I should have, but my actions clearly stated, “No.” Often known for overextending and burning out, I’m doing my best to get a hold of the fear of “missing out” that keeps me from saying no consistently. I must say it more often. But, I find it so difficult. And I am always trying to be nice to others at the expense of myself.
“Everything was fine. Next thing we knew his mother put him on a plane to England and they were never to be seen or heard from again.”
It goes back to Kingston, Jamaica circa Spring 1984. Now, I don’t know all the details, mainly because I was a nine-month-old baby then. But I do know it was around the same time that my 11-year-old brother allegedly disappeared without a trace. My brother, Paul, is my father’s first child, from his first marriage. Somewhere along the line that relationship took a turn for the worse and, eventually, unbeknownst to my dad, his estranged wife packed her bags and relocated to London – with my big bro by her side. In August 1984, a birthday card arrived in the mail addressed to me. It was from Paul.
And here it is, a post on my birthday! Who would have thought that I would be able to get a post out today? I have found a secret! I was reading some blogging tips, and one of them is to schedule your posts! By doing so, I’ve started planning posts for my site and it relieves a lot of the pressure I’ve felt before trying to get a post out in a timely manner.
I found this e-card and after cracking up, I thought it was appropriate to post because it’s sooo true! Facebook seems to control much of the actions we would have once taken on a more personal level. If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s how thankful I am for not only the Facebook love, but the phone calls and messages sure do go a long way! (*screaming* THANK YOU!)
Great quote. Not sure of its origin, but I first came across it on Instagram.
To me, the quote is meaningful in several different ways. Fundamentally, it means that you have to be in control of your own life. You chart your own course and don’t stop until you reach your final destination.
It means that you’re the captain of your ship and sometimes you have to steer that ship through stormy seas until you complete your journey and are in a safe harbour. You don’t let anyone or anything lead you off course.
Any well-trained musician could tell you that a B sharp and a C sound the same. That was one of the take-aways after spending an evening with Matt. A dinner party was our first encounter; he’s my friend’s new boyfriend who I “just had to meet.” I thought he was cool. Everything she said he would be.
Matt’s been playing the piano ever since he was little. Recitals, competitions, teaching, study abroad, the church band. You name the tune, chances are he can play it. I looked to my right at another dinner guest. Her eyes were closed as she mumbled the words to John Legend’s 2004 hit, “Ordinary People.” Matt was playing the song for us, and so eloquently, as we sipped on glasses of wine. By the time his magical fingers got to the bridge, I found myself belting out the lyrics like I was the R&B superstar himself. That melodic tune brought me back in time. But though I was so deeply enthralled by the song, I couldn’t help but stare at the man behind that beautiful sound. Matt was lost in the music, often throwing his head back, tapping his foot, and swaying back and forth as he played.